hope of dawning obsoletion
by mktoddsparky
Summary: /in which sam contemplates college and friendships are tested./ a little insight into what sam might be dealing with knowing that she doesn't fulfill anyone's standards./ seddie-romance-friendship


**_hope_ of (_dawning obsoletion)_**

_**/so, i'm not sure exactly what this is and i don't know if you all would like it but i felt like posting it. it took about two days to finish and i wanted to do another seddie oneshot so here it is./**_

"in five...four...three...two..."

as soon as freddie's voice hit 'two' both co-hosts allowed smiles to stretch across their faces. carly's smile seemed to be genuine and a laugh escaped as she waggled her head perkily. sam's smile was all pre-meditation, however.

"i'm carly," the brunette said with another chuckle.

time seemed to slow down until every minute detail became visible to sam's ocean blue eyes. she wasn't sure when or why such things as carly's enrapturing laugh or fredwad's nubbish comments had become so important to her - _she was supposed to be the one who didn't care about the details, not the girl who relished them. _

now she saw the slightest lifting of carly's eyebrows and freddie's motioning hand as they wondered why she wasn't continuing with her part.

"i'm sam," she echoed hoarsely, adding a shrug to her greeting. better not to let down carly, freddie and the fans then blank out due to her dominant self-insecurities.

she saw freddie giving her a look that meant 'i know something's wrong' and it took a substantial amount of self-control to simply shake her head nonchalantly and glare at him until he was forced to look away. _sam puckett doesn't need protection. _

.

as she exited the studio (exactly thirteen seconds after freddie said "and we're clear," but who's counting?) she could hear freddie's tennis shoes tapping against the wooden floorboards.

"what's wrong?" oh she hated the question that sprung from his lips. it made her sound like she was some stupid damsel in distress, just sitting there and waiting for her prince charming to come and rescue her from her petty problems.

"wouldn't you like to know," she responded harshly, kneeding the ground below her toes. "besides, if something actually was wrong, why do you think i would tell a nub like you?"

his expression darkened and unwillingly she wondered if she'd truly hurt him this time - _what a pansy she'd become in the span of several months and how she loathed it, the desperate **need**. _

"i love you," he called back to carly just as the brunette followed them from the studio, clutching her phone tightly in her hands.

"love you too," she mumbled, pre-occupied, as she gave him a sidewise, brotherly hug. "sam, are you spending the night?"

"why not?" sam responded with another shrug. "is spencer cooking ribs?" the blonde gave her a look that meant 'he'd better be making ribs.'

she took the hint, "i'll go ask." and with a swish of dark hair their best friend had darted downstairs.

another acute silence fell over the pair and finally sam mumbled, "i don't need protection."

freddie shrugged, "i never said you did." a final pause, longer than any before it. "why won't you let me love you, sam?"

on the outside sam just stared at him as if his words didn't compute but on the inside she flinched as if he'd pierced her with a shiny knife to the gut, "maybe...maybe a nub like you doesn't deserve my trust."

freddie gritted his teeth and looked away for a moment, "i get it." and then he was gone, stomping down the stairs like he owned the place, his expression carefully neutral as he bade carly and spencer goodbye.

sam sunk down until she was sitting on the top step, fighting the girly urge to bury her head in her hands. as it was, she simply stared at the wall in front of her as she attempted to dissect her writhing emotions - _after all, if she could ever bear to trust someone else besides carly she had to trust herself first. _

_why won't you let me love you, sam? _

.

"do you ever get worried about college?" carly asked as the two girls lounged at the groovie smoothie.

"why bother asking me that?" sam retorted in her slightly less barbed tone, the tone she only used with carly and melanie, on rare occasions. "why don't you just give up and confess that you've been asking yourself that for several weeks now?"

the brunette bit her lower lip before taking a measured sip of her strawberry splat smoothie, "you're always right."

"i know," sam said with one of her famous smirks. "so, what's been bothering you?" she never really assesed why she only acted like this around carly; she guessed it was a best friend privilage, one nobody else shared, or a family bond. really, carly was like her sister, being as puke perfect as mel.

finally, carly broke down, "what if i don't get into harvard?"

the blonde gazed at her best friend for a long time, noting the wrinkles that dotted carly's forehead and the beads of sweat gathering on her brow. "you will, carls, trust me," she answered finally.

"but what if -"

"you'll get in, _trust me_," sam said with a little more brevity than before.

carly nodded, as if to accept the moot point, "why won't you even consider applying to harvard with me?" she asked with a pouty expression, nudging sam's cheek in an affectionate manner.

sam hesitated, unwilling to really unwrap that can of worms, "you know i'm not harvard material. besides, i'd probably get fed up with all the crap those 'popular girls' give off."

the brunette sighed, "i'm really going to miss you."

with a huff sam dismissed the matter, "hey, college isn't for several months. let's enjoy the present and stop focusing on the future."

but carly knew very well that was sam's way of saying she would miss her just as much.

.

"hey, did you know that newton's third law: every action has an equal and opposite reaction, is actually applicable -"

"and oh look, i don't care," sam interuppted freddie, rubbing her arms and trying to keep her teeth from chattering in the chilly evening air.

freddie noticed her struggles - _even though she tried so hard to hide them, because she didn't need his **pity **_- and wrapped his coat around her shoulders before she could pinpoint an accurate retort.

inhaling the comforting scent of his cologne she turned her beady gaze on him, watching as he sighed and muttered, "you're welcome."

"how did you know i wouldn't say thank you?" she asked almost without realizing - _the snow was clearly messing up her brain_.

"because that's not you," freddie answered with a tiny smirk of his own, but his eyes were cloudy and missing the usual spark necessary to quarrel with her.

shoving his arm lightly she mumbled through shivers wracking her frame, "you know, for a dork, you're pretty perceptive." she meant it as a compliment but instantly she saw he didn't take it as such.

with a tired sigh he said, "you know, i don't have to hang out with you. i could just walk away." his gaze traveled to watch the dancing snowflakes fall in undecided patterns from the cloudy skies.

"and yet you don't," sam whispered, her breath swirling in intricate patterns. "why is that?" her eyes connected with his chocolate pools, daring him to say the words they both needed and hated to hear all at once - _the words would change everything and that was the last thing they needed, however._

"i don't know," he grunted finally and sam knew that she absolutely _did not _want him to hold her right there in that moment..._not at all, absolutely not, no no no. _

.

she counted every step in her head from the moment she entered ridgeway to the second she reached her locker - _it made her feel even a hint in control of her actions. _

"twenty six...twenty seven...twenty eight." she stopped as her fingers fumbled with her lock.

"why were you counting random numbers?" freddie questioned as he leaned against carly's locker, eyeing her emotionlessly.

"none of your business," she stated civilly, reaching into the back of her locker to pull out his coat before handing it to him.

this time freddie didn't even get mad, not even slightly. sam shivered as she felt his hands cupping her waist and then his face buried into the crook of her neck. they hugged tightly and sam pretended that she didn't hold on longer than necessary as they silently comforted each other.

"what's happening to me?" she stuttered into his skin, scaring herself with how gushy she was acting - _she was always meant to be the strong one, not the weak one. never the weak one. _

"i don't know, i don't know," was all he could say, over and over again until she absolutely loathed the syllables spilling from his mouth.

.

"i got in!" carly screeched into the phone and sam was glad that she wasn't standing next to her best friend. "i'm going to harvard!"

"talk about a memorable christmas present," sam congratulated, but the words were so, so hollow.

carly let out another exhilarated scream before giggling, "christmas isn't for four more days."

"close enough," the blonde co-host said with a tiny smirk - _at least she still had her trademark smirk; that was one positive thing. _"i'm gonna miss you, carls."

carly paused and sam wondered if she'd slipped again (she seemed to be doing that a lot lately,) "i thought you didn't believe in worrying about the future."

"i don't," she covered up smoothly, inwardly tearing herself up about this, "but then again i'm a realist."

they spent the next half hour discussing college plans - well, actually, carly mainly talked about her options and sam listened with impatient grunts every few minutes - but sam's mind was thousands of miles away. _sam puckett doesn't need protection. _

.

sam rested her feet on freddie's thighs as she leafed through her cell phone, pretending to check for new messages - _there weren't any; carly and freddie were practically the only friends she had left. _

"have you ever considered applying to harvard?" the nub asked with a throaty sigh, snuggling into the couch as they waited for sam's mom to get back and fix them 'dinner.'

"thousands of times," sam admitted, locking eyes with their technical producer, "but i could never live up to their standards." _she never did discover when she'd become such a pansy. _

"you can do anything you put your mind to," freddie attempted to console her, his fingers reaching for her arm only to pause as she flinched away from him.

sam allowed her mind to excavate the harvard option for a moment, only to shut it down when she thought of carly, "can you seriously see me fitting it with a bunch of pompous, bitchy cheerleaders...even for a second?" she asked too harshly.

"no," freddie admitted, running a hand through his perfectly straightened russet hair.

"that's what i thought," she answered bitterly, swallowing through the lump in her throat when she realized for the billionth time that after summer she would probably never see carly or freddork again. "no college would ever accept me." inwardly she mauled herself for acting like such a whiner.

freddie froze, his eyebrows rising in sync, "are you saying that you didn't apply to a single school?"

she didn't answer him, getting up and heading to the kitchen to search for something to cook herself. _are you saying that you didn't apply to a single school? _

.

"merry christmas!" carly cheered as she handed the blonde co-host a perfectly wrapped present. sam tore open the package, her initial instinct to jump away and kick the gift out the door.

"do you like it?" carly asked anxiously as they gazed down on the icarly t-shirt, the second one ever made. the first one sam had traded to rip-off-rotney for a pair of concert tickets several years beforehand.

swallowing back solid pain sam managed to ask, "why wouldn't i?" she then carefully wrapped the present back up, unable to look at the picture of the trio any longer. _it was bad enough spending these last precious months with the two of them, let alone having to see the damn icarly t-shirt everyday and be reminded of exactly how much she would soon lose. _

it wasn't until sam and freddie were walking to sam's house that they exchanged presents.

"here," freddie stated roughly, thrusting a tiny package into her hands. "i don't care if you don't like it."

sam unwrapped the gift, her fingers pausing as they closed around a tiny chip, "what the hell is this, freducation?"

he hesitated before explaining, "i put on every single icarly episode we did on there, along with our extra segments, from wake up spencer to baby spencer." there was a combination of pride and fear in his tone, as though he thought she might hit him. "i saw your face after you got carly's present and i didn't know if you'd appreciate this or not, so..." he trailed off awkwardly.

for the first time sam didn't have anything to say. she didn't dare pull a quip just in case the boy lost it and stormed off but she hated these mushy moments and didn't know how to react, exactly. how was she supposed to convey that this was exactly what she had wanted?

disappointment and rejection cluttered freddie's face, "i knew you wouldn't like it. here, let me take it back and we'll forget this ever happened, okay?" he was holding his hand out in anticipation of her handing the present over.

"you're awful at hiding your emotions," she stated with a blank face, hugging the chip to her chest. "i think i'll keep this for a little while, if you don't mind."

he couldn't contain the smile that beamed across his face, exposing the dimple on the corner of his right cheek, "oh, alright then."

an awkward pause filled the area in which both teens opened their mouths and accepted dainty little snow-flakes to land on their tongues.

"i have a present for you too," sam admitted gruffly, squeezing herself around the shoulders as she looked at him, "but i didn't wrap it."

freddie looked surprised that she'd bothered to get him anything, "no problem. what is it?"

taking a deep breath sam stepped closer to freddie and forced any bit of emotion from her face - _this was hard enough already without him having to see any sort of fear or nervousness she might exhibit, not like she should anyways. _

"do you remember when you asked me to let you love me?" she asked, shifting her footing in a vague attempt to lighten the mood. she _really_ wasn't good at this sort of thing. he nodded, obviously confused.

"i trust you, freddie," she mumbled, her cheeks heating with embarrassment. "i hate to even admit that to myself, but i do. merry christmas," she concluded weakly, turning away from him - _she wouldn't allow him to think that she needed an inkling of protection, of pity, because when it came down to it, all she needed was herself. _

"really?" freddie wondered, his eyes widening at her unexpected confession. "you trust me?"

"there's no need to say those...horrible words again," she shuddered and then snapped her cynical mask on. "now wipe that stupid grin off your face before i bash it off."

"there's the sam i know," freddie remarked with a chuckle, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pressing it closer to her neck when she tried shoving it off. without another word they continued their stroll towards sam's house.

.

the clock read 11:43pm on new years eve as sam swiveled on one of the crimson barstools near the countertop adjacent to the shay's kitchen. the girl's fingers were closed tightly around a slice of gooey, cheesy pizza and her mouth munched on the spicy goodness.

"hey kiddo," spencer greeted her as he reached for a cup to pour himself some wahoo punch.

"punch me," sam ordered, her other hand digging into the wood of the counter as she lazily observed the sculpter.

with a little groan spencer obliged, putting the glass filled with the ruby liquid just inches from her grasp, "what's with the long expression?"

"whatcha talking about?" she wondered, posing innocent. the artist only shook his head at her supposed happiness and seated himself across from her, taking a sip from his own glass.

"why aren't you out on the fire escape waiting for midnight with a certain tech producer?" he prodded.

she refused to let any emotion other than disgust crawl onto her face, "please, like i'd want to spend any more time with that nerd than necessary."

spencer let the matter go and only stared encouraginly at the blonde until she caved, "fine, i'm worried about a certain..bidness."

"and would this 'bidness' be college applications, perhaps?" he wondered with a knowing grin. sometimes sam had absolutely no idea how carly's brother knew so much and yet so little.

"how do you..?"

"hey, i may be dumb but i'm not stupid," he echoed his own words from three years prior, still smiling a little too assuredly.

"i guess i don't know if i actually want to pursue college. i mean, what college would want to accept this?" she pointed to herself, showing a rare bit of vulnerability.

spencer knew better than to play the 'pity' card, "well how do you know they'll reject you if you haven't bothered applying?"

a long pause ensured as sam eyed the clock flashing 11:57pm in burning green numbers.

"you'd better get out to celebrate the new year with your friends," spencer advised gently, smiling amiably at the young blonde as she stood up. they didn't hug because that just wasn't in her nature but they did share a friendly handshake before sam split for the fire escape.

she never actually crossed the threshold onto the fire escape - _every time she tried to step forward her eyes shifted onto the navy lawn chair still resting at the same place and the familiar tech nerd that was currently seated there and she **just couldn't do this **_- but she did watch as the clock chimed midnight.

people were hugging and carly was kissing adam and freddie just sat there and stared into the twinkling city lights and she felt her chest tightening, "happy new year."

_sam puckett doesn't need protection. _

.

january faded into february and while every other senior sat outside enjoying the beautiful weather sam slumped on a cold, hard desk. just five minutes earlier she had finished the SAT and had been too lazy to get up and leave, despite protests by the supervisors. she'd called carly several minutes ago but the brunette was in yakima with her granddad for the weekend and couldn't pick her up, which left only one option.

typing in the number (because she absolutely refused to put it on her speed-dial) she pressed the phone against her ear - _she couldn't actually believe she was doing this. _

"hello?" freddie answered on the second ring.

"benson, come pick me up," she ordered without a hint of compromise in her tone.

"i'm on a date," he answered simply, "so i can't. sorry."

sam paused, half because she couldn't believe fredducini was actually on a date with a normal girl (then again she probably was some sort of freak) and half because he'd stood up for himself.

"i am sorry, sam," freddie continued when she didn't answer right away. "are you still there?"

"yeah," she mumbled, wiping the sleep from the corner of her eyes. "look, i have no way to get home without you picking me up."

"wendy wouldn't appreciate me leaving her all alone for our six-week anniversary," freddie responded hesitantly.

normally she would have blown up in his face and just hearing wendy's name sent a lightning bolt to zap her coherent taunting ability temporarily, "please?" what else could she possibly say?

there came a sigh from his end, mumbled voices and then a girl's irritating squawking and finally the nub muttered, dis-heartened, "where are you?"

"fillmore," she replied, scratching the back of her neck before hanging up.

twenty minutes later freddie's beat up toyota pulled into the parking lot exactly four miles below the speed limit. even as she walked towards the passenger side sam could see the anger distorting the boy's face.

"i left wendy screaming in my face to pick you up," freddie confirmed in a deathly calm tone, switching gears to reverse and peeling out onto the street. "she broke up with me because i chose you over her."

sam only stared at him, not even a hint of pride on her face, no matter how much the words hurt, "you didn't have to, you know." the words came quietly, softly. _she really was turning into a pansy. _

freddie's face softened as the car rolled to a stop by the nearest wendy's, "i know, it was my choice." he still didn't glance at her, however.

"then why are you acting like it's my fault?" her voice didn't waver and her jaw set in determination but the message was clear.

freddie rolled down the window and gave the drive through attendent their order before placing his hand over sam's. for the first time she didn't shake him off, "it wasn't your fault, sam."

she nodded as if to dismiss the matter and pulled her hand away, settling it firmly on her lap, "i took the SAT this morning."

"really?" he looked surprised but she deserved that much - _she never had been much for working and the thought didn't bother her then or now. _"why?"

"are you really that dense?" sam criticized, resting her head back and rubbing the kink in her neck.

"you decided to apply to college after all," he pieced it together and after grabbing the food from the attendent he pulled back into traffic. "i'm proud of you."

"like your opinion brightens my day," she mumbled, snatching a french fry from the bag and biting into the salty goodness, but inside she was secretly smiling at his comment - _she simply couldn't let him see that he affected her at all because it would only complicate matters. _

_sam puckett doesn't need protection. _

.

february bled into march and when spring break hit carly and freddie each went on vacation: carly and spencer headed off to visit harvard and freddie and his mother took a flight to visit marissa's mother gertrude.

"are you sure you don't want to join me in guadalahara?" pam puckett asked - _sam always did remind her friends that guadalahara was a real place. _

"yeah, i've got college apps to send in by tonight," sam answered as she navigated the harvard website.

"alright then," pam placed a rough kiss on her daughter's brow and then pulled her three pink leopard suitcases towards the car, chucking them in the trunk. she wrapped a dazzling pink, striped scarf around her head and slid on a pair of gucci sunglasses.

the non-commital blonde ruffled her dirty golden locks and convulsed weirdly as she spotted her mother's scarf, "ugh, stripes."

"try to be normal," her mother responded in a hasty mumble. "i love you."

"yeah, yeah," sam said, the slight lifting of her lips the only indication she appreciated her mother's attempts at parenthood.

once pam had departed sam cowered into the hard backed chair in her kitchen as she fingered the keyboard of her laptop. several windows sat opened on her desktop, all links to the application windows of several different colleges.

"i can do this," she attempted motivating herself, quickly determining that she was much better at pessimism. "ah, who am I kidding? of course can't do this!" she nearly slammed the lid of her laptop closed but paused.

"do this for carly," she whispered, her eyes tightly clenched shut. if she got into harvard she wouldn't have to say goodbye. then again she would have to say goodbye to freddie but that was another topic entirely - _she could always convince herself that the boy was just a nub and it didn't matter if she left him or not. _

so she clicked 'send' twice, determining her fate. _sam puckett isn't useless. _

.

"i'm going to boston university," freddie annouced with a huge smile several weeks later.

"congratulations," carly squealed, throwing her arms around his neck in a smothering hug. "i knew you could do it!"

"you knew he wanted to go there?" sam asked as she hunted the shay's fridge for a peppi cola, carefully hiding her expression.

"yeah, we talked about it a lot," carly replied with another grin and hug for the male of the group.

"cool," the spicy blonde responded nonchalantly, making her way over to the couch and throwing herself next to carly. "is it far from harvard?"

"actually they're only about two miles apart." freddie answered her this time, shifting so that his elbow propped him up. "i could go visit carly anytime i wanted to." he shot sam a questioning glance and she froze for the slightest second before caving.

"carly, i have to tell you something," sam admitted with the tilt of her head so her blonde ringlets fell over her shoulders.

"oh, do we need to go upstairs?" carly motioned immediately in the direction of her recently remodeled room. "i'm sure freddie doesn't mind, right freddie?" she turned expectantly towards the boy lounging next to her.

"actually..." freddie's voice trailed off and he looked pointedly at sam again.

"carls, freddie actually...already...knows," sam confessed with a little chuckle. "did i ever mention how great your hair looks today...it's all...fluffy and chiz." she reached over and started playing with the brunette's wavy hair.

"don't you dare try to compliment me," carly muttered, pointing an accusing finger at her best friend. "what are you hiding?"

"you see..." the blonde decided that honesty was the best policy in this situation, "when you were in 'ahhh, college' mode i had decided i didn't want to apply for college." she held up a hand as carly attempted to interrupt. "and then freddie and spencer talked me out of it so i finally did apply. i should get the result back any day now."

carly's mouth fell open, "I...wha...you..."

"i know, it shocked all of us, trust me," freddie consoled the paralyzed brunette, patting her arm reassuringly. "none of us really believed that sam would actually pursue an academic career."

"watch it, benson," sam warned, a smile playing on her lips and then fading as carly inhaled sharply. "we cool, shay?"

"yeah, i just don't understand why you thought i wouldn't support your decision," carly finally replied, pulling the mischevious blonde into a tight hug. "love you sam."

"yeah, yeah," sam mumbled into the side of carly's neck, her ocean blue eyes connecting with freddie's eyes. when she discovered she couldn't manage to look away - _the thought scared her more than she would ever admit because sam puckett was invincible _- she fake-choked."um, carls, you're squeezing the life out of me."

"sorry." carly released sam immediately and the two girls smiled at one another before parting completely. sam couldn't seem to erase the smile from her face even though she'd perfected the trait of controlling her facial expressions years ago.

_sam puckett wasn't alone. _

.

two days later sam clutched a letter from harvard tightly in her hands, her fingers shaking as she tried to convince herself to open the letter that would decide her future.

finally she managed to break the seal and scramble to read the first line of the letter - _she quickly discovered that self-detriment hadn't vanished from her life, only hidden around the corner until she was finally happy. _

the word 'rejection' leapt out from the page, making her eyes prick and then sting with unshed tears.

_sam puckett always knew she wasn't good enough._

.

immediately following graduation the trio hustled over to bushwell plaza and into the icarly studio to start their weekly webshow.

"so, have we decided that we're going to share where we're heading off to college next fall?" freddie asked, maneuvering behind his elaborate tech set up.

"let's do it!" carly agreed as she dragged a brush through her luscious russet hair.

"i'd rather not," sam stated in an emotionless and nevertheless choked tone, forcing any disappointment that would trigger a reaction from her friends far, far away.

"why not?" carly asked, waving freddie away. the technical producer leaned to the right and fixed his unwavering gaze on sam, seeking her opinion. the normally rambuncious blonde only nodded in acceptance of carly's demand.

"carls, i didn't get into boston university," sam said in a flat voice, looking away and swallowing another lump - _she wouldn't allow herself to cry right before a webshow. _

"you applied to boston university?" carly exclaimed in amazement.

"yeah, but obviously i wasn't good enough," sam responded, crossing her arms defensively.

"hey, listen to me." the brunette wrapped her arms around her best friend's shoulders and shook her a little. "don't you ever dare believe that you aren't good enough for anything, got it?"

"yeah," sam gave in, smiling tightly as she ushered the nub back into the studio.

"we won't do the college bit after all," carly delegated to the other brunette, who's face instantly drooped.

"no, no, i want you guys to tell the fans where you're going to college," sam insisted just as her cell phone rang. as she read the caller id her brow furrowed, "hey, i've gotta take this." without another word to the other two she disappeared into the hallway.

"do you think she's gonna be okay?" carly fretted, pacing back and forth.

"yeah, i'm sure she'll be fine," freddie reassured the fanatic brunette as they neared hyperventilation, but in reality his mind was twisting with all sort of horrible nightmares about what sam could be going through.

"mom? why the hell are you calling me?" sam snapped into the phone as she leaned against the adjacent wall, her body aching for no particular reason.

"there's a letter here for you on the dining table -"

"i'm in the middle of icarly," the agitated blonde inturrupted. "can't this wait?"

"it's from that college you're always talking about..." _- she couldn't take another rejection, not now. _

_sam puckett was fragmented. _

_._

"and that's why you don't wax a mustache with bug poison," carly explained with a laugh, wiggling the smoking, half destroyed mustache in front of the camera.

"i guess that explains gibby's lack of hair," sam joked, earning a disapproving look from her brunette co-host. "what? it's true!"

"ignore sam's brazen personality. sometimes i think she was raised by wolves," carly apologzied to the fans, sticking her tongue out of her mouth as she rolled her eyes.

"what's wrong with that?" sam questioned, waggling her eyebrows. "their names were marena and boris, by the way." she smiled, the effort flat.

freddie motioned for them to get to the next bit.

"so, i don't know if you guys have heard," sam began in a lilting tone, pretending to smoke an imaginary pipe.

"but we're all seniors this year," carly chimed in helpfully, linking arms with the currently spinning blonde.

sam leaned in, whispering, "seniors..."

freddie turned the camera to himself, "so we figured we'd give you all the down low about where we're all going to college." he smiled just as sam yanked the camera back to her and carly.

"nerds should never say 'the down low,'" sam mocked, chuckling at the tech producer's embarrassment.

freddie only scoffed to himself before steadying the lens on the two females dancing in weird ways, "whatever. continue with the college presentation, carly."

"well, i was accepted to harvard and i hope -"

"i thought you were done with the whole 'worship the ground carly walks' crap," sam cried furiously, planting her hands on her hips as she faced the flabbergasted male.

"guys..." carly warned quietly, smiling at the camera in a futile attempt to regain control of the situation.

"i don't like carly anymore but i don't see why that should matter to you," freddie retorted, stomping closer to the sam.

"it doesn't!" she screamed, her ocean eyes nearly shattering all his self-confidence.

"sure it doesn't. this has always bothered you!" to prove his point freddie looped an arm around carly's waist.

"freddie..." carly attempted to squirm out of his sidewise embrace and quickly snatched the camera. "we're experiencing technical difficulties. please enjoy this video of a lady yelling at an aztec spear." with a jerking motion she'd switched to the video and slammed the camera down on the tray. "this is so stupid, you guys!"

"no, it's not stupid. sam's always been jealous of you, carls, and it has to stop!" freddie roared, turning to glare down at the suddenly blazing blonde.

"i made it into harvard, just so you know." with that sam pelted from the studio, her face a blank mask.

_sam puckett doesn't need anybody. _

.

he didn't follow her that night.

.

"sam, please talk to me," carly begged into the phone three days later, listening to the never ending abyss of voicemail stretch ever on. "we have to talk about this!"

there came a muffled noise and then sam whispered, "this doesn't concern you, carls. i'm sorry, but i have to do this without you." and then she hung up and carly realized there hadn't been a voicemail at all.

.

two weeks later sam finally got the courage to call freddie, "hey dork, it's me, your blonde haired demon. pick up?"

"sam?" wendy's strained voice emerged from the other end. "freddie kinda doesn't want to talk to you." the gossip-obsessed girl sounded awkward to be the mediator in this.

"he's dating you again." it wasn't a question that spilled from sam's lips and the blonde kneeded her forehead in the hopes of righting her whirling world.

"no, he just said he needed someone to talk to," wendy explained with a cough. "he's really messed up."

"oh," was all that sam could muster. "don't bother telling him i called." and with that she hung up.

immediately wendy sprung up from the couch and waltzed down the hall, rapping on freddie's door, "someone called for you."

"who?" freddie mumbled from his end, rifling through a bunch of old icarly stuff. tomorrow they would hold their last icarly and more than anything carly wanted sam to be there.

"a certain blonde haired demon, so she clarified herself as," wendy responded gently. "i think you should call her back."

"thanks wendy," the tech producer mumbled, fishing his cell phone out of his pocket. "i'll consider it." he flicked through a multitude of numbers before stopping on hers - _she wasn't the only one who refused to put someone on speed-dial. _

his mind tossed back and forth different scenarios in which he either talked to sam or not but his heart always managed to lead him back to meeting his 'blonde haired demon.'

finally he pressed the call button, listening to the ominous dial tone...one ring...two rings...

.

she didn't answer the phone but stayed glued about a foot from the machine as it recorded freddie's message.

"um, hey, it's your nub, dork, freducation...there are endless names i could put there but i'll stop now. we're having our last icarly tomorrow and carly wanted you to be there. i wanted you to be there. so, um, please come. talk to you later." the machine beeped, signaling the end of the message.

she fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist, the one that read _nothing comes before friendship. _it was sappy for her but for whatever reason it stuck in her mind so she wore it.

she knew this whole 'fight' was really stupid and based all on their jealousy but it felt awful. sam knew that she could stay away from carly and freddork as long as she pleased but she didn't prefer that option.

_sam puckett always knew she was stubborn. _

.

carly and freddie busied themselves with a stack of college tips while sipping smoothies the next afternoon. now that school was out their focus was entirely college based but without the spunky blonde there their sessions seemed truly dull.

"i always knew that facebook distracted you," carly noted, shaking her head as she combed an article.

"you're gonna die," freddie pointed out with a laugh. "you talk to adam, what, seven hours a day on facebook?"

"i do not," the brunette retorted feebly, her cheeks flushing crimson. "we only talk five hours a day."

"whatever," freddie gave in with another chuckle just as a familiar blonde dropped onto the seat next to carly. "s-sam? what the hell are you doing here?"

"someone's developed a potty mouth," sam criticized dully before rolling her eyes and blocking him out. "so, carls, is it too late to rsvp for icarly tonight?"

freddie sighed, "i should get home so my mom can pound my smoothie with a mallet." with a last, secret glance at sam he'd left the premise, slinging his navy blue backpack over his left shoulder.

"what happened to you?" carly whisper-shrieked as soon as the male of the group had departed. "you practically disappeared off the face of the earth!"

"i had to figure some stuff out," sam replied vaguely, gathering carly in a strong hug. "i'm sorry, carls."

"i forgive you, of course, but we've both been worried sick, especially freddie. what did you do to that boy?" she wondered, shaking her head as she ranted. "he looks at you the way...the way...the way _he used to look at me, except stronger_."

"don't you even bring that up," sam hissed, crossing her arms. "don't you dare."

"no worries, i won't," the brunette confirmed with another sweet smile. "the thought sort of freaks me out. now, let me guess, you want money for a smoothie."

"you know me so well," the slightly spunky blonde commented, smirking as she stretched her hand forward to get cash.

_sam puckett always knew she would get soft one day. _

_._

"in five...four...three...two..."

"hi!" carly and sam screeched in unison, waving their arms in the air.

"if you've come to learn about plastic surgery then call my mother," sam insinuated, "because you have major problems. and yes, i'm talking about you chad."

after a slight glare at her unbehaved blonde co-host carly cheered, "but if you've come to see wildly pointless comedy then welcome to icarly!"

"unfortunately we're leaving for college at the end of the summer and so this will be our last show," carly continued with fake crying.

"now, now, dry those tears, lil' missy," sam told carly, acting like the cowboy with the huge mustache and the chicken that was misnamed a sports car. "we've got some insp-i-ra-toe-nail stuff coming up." she patted the fake distraught carly's shoulder.

"is it really inspirational?" carly asked hopefully, her brown eyes widening.

"no!" sam admitted in her horrible cowboy accent, laughing uproariously.

carly immediately started crying again and suddenly perked up, "now that you've seen our terrible acting skills..."

"let us continue on with the ba-ba-baaaam..._college discussions_," sam concluded the intro with a mysterious air about her. "as you know, i had a total meltdown last time i was on icarly -"

"actually that was the last icarly," carly interuppted. "freddie and i didn't feel comfortable doing the show without you, sam."

"really?" sam smiled for the first time in weeks.

"definitely," the brunette assured her best friend, stepping towards the camera. "anyways, now that the meltdown is behind us, let sam and freddie tell you where they're going to college." she took the camera from freddie despite his struggles against it.

"come on, nubface," sam snapped, grabbing freddie by the shirt and dragging him in front of the camera.

"sam! this is a new shirt!" freddie whined and slapped the blonde's hands off his person.

"guys, please stop fighting and tell our audience where you're going to college," carly sighed as she reprimanded them for the millionth time.

"fine. i'm going to boston university," freddie stated proudly, crying out as sam shoved him out of the way.

"and lil-old-me is going to harvard with my bestest best friend carly shay," sam announced and she swore she saw surprise and then pride cross freddie' s face but she was probably imagining things.

freddie motioned for carly to give him the camera before aiming it back at the two girls and letting them resume the webshow.

.

forty-five minutes later carly and sam said their last goodbyes and freddie announced "and we're clear" for the final time.

"i can't believe it's over," carly mumbled, shutting off the lights to the studio and locking the door behind them. sam turned to look back at the glimmering letters on the glass pane of the shadowed studio door: _icarly_.

"yeah," freddie mumbled, throwing a comforting arm around the brunette's shoulders.

sam only muttered something incoherent before dashing in front of her two friends, using the excuse that she was dealing with ham withdrawals - _she couldn't let them see the specks of uncertainty in her eyes nor let them know she desperately wished to continue icarly._

_sam puckett didn't need sympathy. _

.

"would you guys like some ice tea?" carly offered several minutes later with a questioning smile as she headed into the kitchen, passing by her older brother as he struggled to read **advanced korean volume ii**.

"will it come with lemon?" freddie asked with a flirty smile that carly and sam both ignored.

"you know it," the brunette responded with a chuckle, "what about you, sam?"

"meh," the lazy blonde moaned, sinking into the couch and burying her face in the weathered armrest.

"i'll take that as a yes," carly mumbled, amused, tapping her brother on his shoulder. with a sigh that meant she knew to expect anything by now she asked, "um...why?"

"do you remember that girl i met when i chased that uzbekistan woman and her new boyfriend into the pool of sharks?" spencer responded, arching his eyebrows.

"um, no?" carly shrugged, at a loss.

"well you're stupid," the artist stated, giving his sister a sidewise hug before proceeding. "anyways, a korean girl named ae-cha tugged me out of the pool before the shark could bite my limbs off and then we tried communicating but we couldn't understand each other, so..." he held up the **advanced korean volume ii **and waggled it around, grinning hysterically.

"i thought you learned from the whole kristacia incident," carly reprimanded before turning to the fridge.

meanwhile sam had managed to pull herself to a standing position and both she and freddie were marching towards the shay siblings.

"you guys wanna hear my improvement in korean?" spencer asked the trio, still fighting laughter.

"no," said carly.

"not really," muttered freddie.

"meh," sam grumbled, leaning in freddie almost without realizing it. "i just want some ham."

"come on, then," freddie acknowledged the blonde's unspoken desire to escape. "let's go raid the fridge."

"anything's better than listening to spencer's broken korean," sam replied, scratching her head as the two slunk over to the ajar fridge.

"fine, thanks for the support, guys," carly exclaimed sarcastically, turning back to her brother as he started spelling out korean terms.

"i'm gonna split," sam whispered as she pulled out a peppy cola, popping the top and guzzling down a huge sip of the caffinated beverage. "my mom is determined to be the 'best mother in the whole wide world' and so she threatened to ground me if i'm home after ten."

"um, it's 10:56," freddie pointed out.

"yeah, i never promised i'd actually listen to her," sam said with a raunchy laugh.

"i'll walk you home," the male of the group answered with a quirk upward of his lips.

"no thanks, i'm not a barbie doll," the blonde hissed harshly.

"it wasn't a question," freddie whispered back, nudging her shoulder slightly. "stop expecting ulterior motives and just accept an offer for once."

sam's lips pursed as she eyed their technical producer, waging an inward battle, "fine, but don't try seducing me or anything."

"you actually think i would do something as..._vulgar_ as that?" freddie asked with a shudder, looping his arm around her shoulders as they headed towards the front door. his serious gaze bore into her soul and she forced a non-responsive mask onto her face.

"no," she admitted with a shrug, dislodging his shoulder and waving goodbye to a frenzied carly and a sputtering spencer before disappearing down the hallway with the nub. "i just wanted to watch you squirm." a crooked grin slid onto her face as they clomped down the stairs and into the lobby.

"some things never change," he chuckled, opening the front door for her. she didn't bother thanking him, knowing that he wasn't expecting anything of the sort.

_sam puckett doesn't fall...ever._

.

twenty minutes later snow began to fall from the heavens, encircling the duo in a wreath of glimmering flakes. sam fought to keep her chin from quivering but eventually failed, shivering violently - _half of her wished that the boy would just wrap his coat around her and the other half detested the idea. _

"are you cold?" freddie asked her a moment later and, stubborn as always, she shook her head. his eyes only narrowed and he wrapped his coat around her, surrounding her in his heady scent and a comforting warmth.

"thanks," she muttered reluctantly, pulling his coat tighter.

his eyes widened slightly, "you said thanks?" his hand shot out, planting against her forehead and sending a shot of molten lava through her skin, "who are you and what have you done with sam puckett."

"eh." she shoved him away, her choice flinging them back into comfortable territory. "don't go getting a big head now, nubface."

"there's the sam i know," he responded warmly, wrapping his arm around her waist and drawing her closer.

"how screwed up is this?" sam questioned, motioning to the thundering skies. "it's the middle of summer and it's snowing."

"who said life had to make sense?" freddie retorted smoothly.

a lengthy pause followed and finally sam mumbled, "i guess we have to talk about our fight."

"why bother? besides, i don't think i know which fight you're referring to," he answered cheekily, earning him a slap on the cheek.

"true. so i guess we just remain carly, sam and freddie, two friends and a co-host, two girls and a lonely, flabby male...shall i continue?" sam made the point of taunting him abundantly clear - _why bother telling him that things had to change when he was set on the past?_

"i guess so," the brunette male agreed, releasing her waist. "i was thinking that, you know, since we're going to college near each other...maybe we won't have to end icarly after all." he seemed hesitant to reveal the idea.

sam inhaled sharply, unwilling to tell him that that was the best present he could have ever offered, "why not?" she gave him one of her famous smirks.

freddie smiled back at her, knowing that this was as about as romantic as his blonde friend would get. he breathed out slowly, allowing the snow to drown out their expressions for a moment, "you know, i never did tell you how proud of you i was when i heard you got into harvard."

"you were proud of me?" she asked softly, fingering the edge of his russet coat.

"yeah, i really was. i knew you could do it." they paused to look at each other.

"yeah, yeah, this conversation is getting a little mushy for my personal taste," sam commented dryly, turning to walk again and stopping when his fingers curled around her wrist.

"do i mean anything to to you, sam?" there it was, the dreaded question - _she never could figure out how exactly to answer it_.

they started walking again and it wasn't until several minutes later that sam whispered, "i guess i can call you a friend."

they both pretended that the following glance didn't exist because they knew that things couldn't change - _she was terrified to leave the quotient known as sam-carly-freddie with carly always in the middle. she didn't know what would happen if carly ever left that position, leaving the two sidekicks to confront one another._

but for now, this was enough.

_sam puckett never was good at following the rules and she determined that she did need her 'tech nerd' after all. _

**the end**


End file.
